It\u2019s a year since the election. You\u2019re preparing to get together with friends or family for a Thanksgiving feast or looking ahead to end-of-year holidays, but there\u2019s one thing you\u2019re dreading: the conversation with the family member or friend who voted for Donald Trump.<\/p>\n
What do you say? How do you deal with a divide that has fractured a nation and even reached into our families?<\/p>\n
I recently sat down with Linda Stout, founder of Spirit in Action, who grew up in a poor, white community in rural North Carolina, and who has, for years, organized poor people across race, class, and political lines. Her insights helped me to see the opportunities in these kinds of difficult conversations. So, inspired by her stories, here\u2019s an eight-step plan for getting through the holidays:<\/p>\n
Bring short statements of gratitude, poems, a song, or a story to the gathering. Or perhaps bring history: Stout used to read aloud from Howard Zinn\u2019s People\u2019s History of the United States<\/em> so her children would hear the unsanitized version of early encounters between settlers and Native people.<\/p>\n
When difficult political discussions come up, listen first, Stout said, even to those you disagree with. Listen especially for the other person\u2019s struggles and hopes. When people feel heard, they are more open to other viewpoints.<\/p>\n
Ask respectful questions based on authentic curiosity about their lives.<\/p>\n
Tell your story, too. Center your story in your heart: Explain why you care, what worries you, what you hope for. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.<\/p>\n
Stout told me that her family has a tradition of storytelling, but if it doesn\u2019t come naturally to you, prepare stories to share in advance. The best stories are ones you or someone close to you experienced. But you can also turn to stories you\u2019ve heard or read. The main thing is that they are true and heartfelt.<\/p>\n
Talk about what you know to be true, but don\u2019t use information as a weapon; use it to increase understanding. Especially in a time when so many are suspicious of experts, trusted friends and family can be better at breaking through the fake news and offering a reality check.<\/p>\n
Many progressives speak in ways that \u201cleave people behind,\u201d Stout said. Avoid in-group language. This may be difficult if you mainly talk to activist friends or to other people in your profession; in both cases, language signifies your identity and your community\u2014and excludes people. Specific, simple, straightforward words are most powerful.<\/p>\n
Stout told me about her conservative, Southern relatives who were complaining to her about a nearby Occupy encampment. Stout explained that the occupiers objected to growing inequality\u2014that corporations were getting huge tax breaks and government giveaways while hard-working families couldn\u2019t catch a break. Then there was silence, she told me. \u201cWhy don\u2019t they explain it so people can understand it,\u201d they asked her. While language about the \u201c99 percent\u201d had no meaning to them, Stout\u2019s explanation worked for them.<\/p>\n
If things go off the rails, back up and try a different approach, Stout said. The point isn\u2019t to win points. It\u2019s to ignite understanding.<\/p>\n
Consider making one modest request. (And be ready to accept a challenge to do something different yourself.) Stout told me about a cab driver in Savannah, Georgia, who was railing against Obamacare. She told him about her nephew\u2019s emergency appendectomy and the huge medical bills that resulted. Then she made one request. Stout asked the cab driver to watch news stations other than Fox each night for just one week. When she took another ride with him a week later, he told her how much he liked Chris Matthews from MSNBC because he \u201cwas a good ol\u2019 boy\u201d and that he had decided to limit his Fox News viewing to just one night per week.<\/p>\n
The divides in our country have become profound. Fear of an uncertain future, economic dislocation, fake news, social isolation, and the belligerence of our tweeter-in-chief have contributed to this. And racism, sexism, and other \u201cisms\u201d are always just below the surface, ready to pop up when people are stressed. These divides keep us distracted and distrustful of each other, while dirty energy corporations continue polluting our air and water, and the military-industrial complex continues to threaten our future.<\/p>\n
During the holidays, we might be able to turn down the volume of hostility and create some threads of understanding. And that would be something to be thankful for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The point isn\u2019t to win. It\u2019s to ignite understanding.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":27291,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","format":"standard","categories":[8],"tags":[645,668],"article-type":[246],"master-category":[467],"special-series":[],"type-of-work":[],"class_list":["post-10383","article","type-article","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-social-justice","tag-thanksgiving","tag-holidays","article-type-opinion","master-category-democracy"],"acf":[],"apple_news_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n